Rate my conpleated story

[Brandie]

Elves and Noel 1 WHO ARE YOU MIGITSTm Brandon Clark,


"O.M.G" said a little boy named Noel, midgets. The elves were confused and said 'No
were elves".
"No way" whispered Noel, I don’t believe this. Isn’t your name Noel? Ya so, what does that
have to do with it?
Noel means Christmas right? Ya, so. Well were Christmas elves. "And..." said Noel in a
confused voice. So if your name
means Christmas then why don’t you believe in elves? "What! My mom gave me this name!"
yelled Noel. So, we gave are selves
our names, intact I’m cris boy. No I'm cris boy your snow-man. No I’m snow-man your cris boy
your Santa’s little helper.
No your, "Shut up" said Noel in a loud yet embarrassing way. Hay I didn’t get to finish my
sentence. "To bad" yelled Noel.
If you are all elves prove it. "Why didn't you jest say so" said the Alfa elf. "yah" said all the
other elves. "just do it so
I can go and play video-games. So the elves started making a present. "Here" said one of the
elves. Thanks, Noel didn't
really mean it. Noel started opening the present slowly and out came a big (fake) monster.
"Ahhh" screamed Noel like a little girl,
OK I believe you. "Told yah" said the Alfa elf.



OK since you are all Christmas elves, then show me the north pole! Say pleas. Noel
rolled his eyes and said "pleas". Pleas what, full sentence.
"Your not my mother" yelled Noel. "che, obviously, I mean I am a boy" said the Alfa elf in a
voice like he thought Noel was an idiot, witch he
did think that. "Jest do it and get it over with!" demanded Noel. "ok-ok" said the Alfa elf wall
he was calling Santa. But Wright when Santa
Came, every thing turned to dust. Noel woke up because his sister Katey jumped on him and
yelled "Santa was here! Santa was here, get up!".
I don’t want to get up, five more minuets. "jest get up" demanded Katey. "Fine" said Noel in a
tiered voice. They went down stairs, Noel opened a
present and out came a big (REAL) monster.



To be continued...

Elves and Noel. 2 ASCAPE OF THE MONSTERTm

Last time on Elves and Noel, Elves gave Noel a little a present, but it was not the best
present most people would get. In fact it was a big Monster. So if you get the present that was
shaking, I'd would run, because the monster ate Noel, and here’s the Next chapter, by
Brandon Clark.



W-Were am I, is anyone here?. "Hello Noel" said a mysteries voice coming from no
were. "Who said that" said Noel in a scared voice. It's me, the Alfa elf, I mean, I’m am your conscience. "Dude I know it's you Alfa elf" said Noel in a rude voice. "I know I know" chuckled
the Alfa elf wall he was coming in Noel's site. Were am I? "your in the monster" said the Alfa elf in a ghostly way while Noel was making an awkward face. "Then how do I get out of here?"
said Noel in a voice like he was never going to get out of there. The elf did not even know how
to get out of his own present so he tried to get an excuse and said "Hey, did you know my real
name is Santa jr. jr. jr. jr. jr. jr. (Three hours later...) jr. jr. jr. "Enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!", screamed
Noel at the top of his longs. "Hay, there was still 300 more jr.s left" said the Alfa elf. "To bad!"
yelled Noel in a voice jest barley lower then before. "Dude if a won't to get out of here, you
should at least stop being a jerk and release some of your karma. Noel ignored that and copied part of what the Alfa elf said, but he stopped talking and got an idea, and said "Wait, you can make something to get out of here right?". I'd be delighted to do that, but the al' "so make a time machine to get us out of here" said Noel before the Alfa elf could finish his important Sentence. Now do it. So he started making a weird machine while Noel was watching the elf work his butt off. When the time machine was done it look horrible. But Noel did not really care, so they went in, they typed in the time, but when the were time traveling, the Alfa elf remembered that when someone is in the monster, that the outside world freezes. when they arrived, they went outside and saw it was the Christmas of last year. Noel was exited he was back, but then he saw he had the same present as last year. So he got mad at the Alfa elf. But the Alfa elf said "I tried to say that they Alfa in my name doesn’t mean that I'm good at making present's, it means I’m so post to guard the North pole.


To be continued...
Elves and Noel 3, Noel returns in frozen timeTm

Last time on Elves and Noel, the Alfa elf had some trouble making the time machine, I wouldn’t blame him. But when they arrived they found out that they did not get the Wright time. But Noel is still nagging to the Alfa elf " Fix it, you stink at building, how can you even be an elf", glad I’m not stuck in time with him, is Noel ever going to find his time, will the Alfa elf get over frustrated, will Noel ever stop being a brat, find out here at elves and Noel, by Brandon Clark.

" Fix it, you stink at building, how can you even be an elf", yelled Noel. Will you jest shut up... Then fix it, how, I don’t know your the elf. Fine I’ll call in back up. Ring ring ring. hello, hi come to 4567 potatoe.ave. On it. Ok Noel there coming. Finely! You are the most rudest person I did this before. Waght you did this before. Yes but with a less ruder person. Well then you know what’s going to happen Wright? Well, I actually did this once, so, no. O-OK. Hey look, there here. Finely, your really un patent Noel. Ya Ya , I know I know, I'm a brat, yada yada yada. "Hello, I hope I'm not interrupting your conversation" said cris-boy, snow man, and Santa’s little helper, wall Noel and the Alfa elf were yelling at each other. "No, no" they said at the same time. Ok, so were is the time machine you called about, over there. The three elves started fixing the time machine, and when it was done it looked 10 times better. "Thanks", they said. No problem. Noel and the Alfa elf went in the time machine, and set there time, but this time they got the Wright time, but when they got there every thing was still frozen.

To be continued...

Elves and Noel 4 Noel Terns GoodTm

Last time on elves and Noel, the time Machine was fixed, but when the got to his house (4567 potatoes ave.) they had some problems of what was happening, the time was frozen. I do not get how that is possible, but if you want to see what’s happening stay tooned and watch the last chapter of Elves and Noel, by Brandon Clark.

"Hay every one" said Noel like every thing was perfectly normal. He looked around he saw that something was not Wright. It looked like his dad was getting ready to have a meat eating contest, and that his sister katey’s water balloon was floating in mid air. But Noel was not jest a jerk, but an idiot. But after a half hour, the Alfa elf was waiting for him to figure out what was wrong. So the Alfa elf was about to leave Noel jumped on him, cried, and said “Pleas help me, something is wrong”. The Alfa elves was bummed out that Noel still did not know what was going on, but said Ok-ok I'll help you. “Never speak of this again” said Noel. So they started thinking of what is happening. The Alfa elf had an idea but did not tell Noel. All he said was “let's go in the time machine” Wright after he called in the three elves. They went in the time machine, and teleported back in the monster that ate Noel. “What are we doing here?” asked Noel wall he was looking around in a scared way. The Alfa elf ignored that because the three elves came with a weird looking ray. The Alfa elf new he could not tern good/smarter by his self, so one of the three elves gave the Alfa elf the ray and Noel said “What is that” “find out your self, Noel” Said the Alfa elf in a mysteries way. The Alfa elf shot Noel with it. "What's happening to meeeeeeee", cried Noel. Meanwhile back at the North pole, Santa and the other elves were worried that the Alfa elf wasn’t there to guard the north pole, so Santa teleported to were the Alfa elf was. Santa was surprise were and what the Alfa elf was doing. When Noel got up, he was good/smart. So Noel (since he was smart/good) ran off deeper down the monster. Noel found this elf that was sleeping. (When someone is in the monster the outside world is frozen [that's why everything was frozen at his house] when he arrived). Noel picked up the elf over his shoulder and went back to the elves and Santa. I found what was freezing the outside world. That elf woke up, smacked Noel in the face, and he woke up. He saw it was his little sister katey waking him up. Trying t get him up. She was yelling Santa was here, Santa was here, get up. I don’t wont to get up, 5 more minutes. jest get up. fine, (Sound familiar). Katey and Noel went down stairs, Noel opened a present but this time it was a note.

Dear Noel, you may thought I was a dream, but I’m real. I had fun "(not)" If you don’t believe me that I'm real, reply
From: The Alfa elf aka Santa jr. jr. jr., well you herd it before.


Noel replied saying, "Dear Alfa elf, if you are not real, I’m going to feel like an idiot for sending this to the north pole, but if you are real, come to 4567 potato ave.
Noel weighted for proof wall he was opening his other presents. He found another note that jest appeared, it said "look behind you". Noel turned around and saw the Alfa elf on a slay, he said "believe", and despaired out of site.


The end!
Elves and Noel 5 What happened NextTm

Hey, a 5th elves and Noel wasn’t in the description... Anyway, last time on Elves a Noel, something happened that I though never would happen, Noel terns good. I know Wright shocking isn't it. Noel also figured out that the Elves were real. Here is Noel in the Christmas after last, by Brandon Clark.

"Get up Noel, get up, it's Christmas", yelled katey. "Are you going to do this ever year", growled Noel. Are going to be lazy ever year, edacity. They went down stairs, but wall Noel was opening his presents, a black hole appeared and out came the old time machine that hit Noel on his head. But when the black hole came every thing froze except the North pole (people that like there), him, and the time machine it's self. When Noel woke up after he got knocked out by the time machine, he could not remember anything presides the fun dismantles. He looked at the time machine, and said "oooh, shinny". He walked in, prest a bunch of random buttons and started time traveling. He went back when he was a jerk (When the elves were arguing about there names) and walked out. He looked at himself when he yelled "shut up!" to the elves. He said to his self "is that me? Boy was I a jerk", he went back in the time machine, and he teleported (back to his time) to the North pole, and saw the Alfa elf in his elf suit. Noel went up to the elf and the Alfa elf said "O.M.G, Noel, long time no see HuH? "Are you talking to me?" said Noel in a confused voice. Don’t you remember me? The Alfa elf. Still are you talking to me. O.M.G, the Alfa elf ran to the naughty and nice cameras and saw the Noel lost his memory. The Alfa elf ran back to him with the Nice/smart ray and said "remember this, I hope this works". The Alfa elf shot Noel with again and Noel got his memory back. "Hi Alfa elf", said Noel I got my memory back. But the time back at my house is still frozen. "why does it always happen on Christmas" whispered the Alfa elf. They went to the main north pole controls and found that since Noel use to have a cold hart, he has a cold Christmas. So the Alfa tried to change that (since he’s good now) but it would not let him log in. Meanwhile back his house were the black hole is, it started growing. So they only had a few more minuets to find Santa and unfreeze time before all kids Christmas will freeze. It didn’t take that long to find Santa. So when they took him to the controls but the password is really long. only 10 seconds left, 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2, enter. 1 unfreeze. The black hole disappeared and the world unfroze. He dropped Noel back at home and Noel is on the Nice list now.





The End
I think...


The elves and NoelTm

This is a story called The Elves and Noel. A boy named Noel saw 4 elves. Noel is kind of a jerk/brat/idiot, but when Noel was trying to return to his home from the big monster that the Alfa elf gave him from Christmas, he had to time travel out. But the Alfa elf mast up so they went back to the monster and then the Alfa elf made a nice/smart ray witch he then figured out how to escape. But on the 5th story, Noel started time traveling when he only new the fun dementia, until the Alfa elf used the nice/smart ray again so he remembered ever thing again, so they stopped the frozen Christmas time, and he finely got on the nice list!

This story was made by a boy (10) named Brandon Noel Clark (yes I know, my middle name is the mane character’s name) because he made a three pitcher story thing, then a quick extra credit story, then a long paragraph, now a real story. This story was completed in 2010.



Noel on a witchy day 1 The Creepy Evil WitchTm, by Brandon Clark

"Get up, Get up, it's Halloween", yelled Katey. "O so your going to do this on Christmas to...", moaned Noel. "yes, yes I am" said Katey proudly. "Wow, it's pretty cloudy out there" said Noel's mom. Noel looked out the window and saw a flying person on a broom crummy old broom stick. "Did you see that!? "See what" asked his mom. Noel combed down and said "well, it was probably jest a bird". A few hours later when it was time to get ready for trick or treating Noel and katey was getting ready to go. "No no mom, Katey was going to by the princes. This time", said Noel. "But you look so good in a dress" said Noel's mom. Noel stared. "Fine", moaned Noel's mom wall she was getting the wizard suit. But ever one but the Halloween king new that ever ones costume becomes real. Noel put on the costume and went out. "Bye mom", said Noel and Katey. Noel and katey went to a few houses, until they went to a mysteries house. Katey was to scared to go but Noel wanted to be the first to go to that house. Noel walked up to the house and rang the Dore bell. The sound was a scary ring tone with a strike of lightning. No one answered the doer so noel walked in. "Hello", said Noel in s scared voice. Is any one here. Noel herd a loud pitched laughter, and then saw the rocking chair start to move. Meanwhile, Katey was standing on the street weighting for Noel. "I wander were Noel is", Katey said to her self. Katey Poked her head through the Dore and saw Noel getting zapped to a different dimension be and ugly, old, and evil witch. "Noel!!!" screamed Katey before she could stop the witch. "Give him back", cried Katey. But that did not really help, so the witch zapped her to.

To be continued…

Noel On A Witchy Day 2 The black magic costumesTm

Last time on Noel on a witchy day, Noel tried to be brave by going to this scary black house before anyone elf. But when he walked into the house is saw a witch with a ray. So the witch zapped Noel. Will he ever get to his own world, will katey not cry the hole time, will Noel stop having crazy holidays, find out here at Noel on a witchy day, by Brandon Clark.

“Hello, is anyone here” said Noel in a way more scared the when he was trapped in the monster. “Noel, is that you?” said katey. Were are we katey? I don’t know. A black hole appeared and a bunch of people coming from it including the Alfa elf. “Noel is that you, what are you doing here?” said the Alfa elf. The real question is, what are you doing here? Well, I got zapped by this evil witch. Me too. Beep-beep-beep Beep-beep-beep Beep-beep-beep. What was that. It was jest my watch, It’s 12:00. Every one herd a dark laughter and a shock from there suits. It was the Halloween king darning all the costumes real. Some of the teens were wearing evil costumes, and started chasing people. But the costumes are under the Halloween king’s control. But a…

To Be continued…
Noel on a witchy day 3


Last time on Noel on a witchy day, every one’s costume turned real and was under the Halloween king’s control. The last sentence of the of that story didn’t finish the sentence so it could have bin “but a giant burger came down and crushed every one” or it could be “But a camouflaged tiger came and attacked the Halloween King” who knows, lets find out.

…But a black knight appeared and saved Noel, katey, and the Alfa elf. So the knight took them home but a black hole appeared and dropped a giant Easter egg. But Noel new that whenever that black hole appears, time freezes. So the black knight toke them back. “So stop this right now!” Yelled Noel. “Never” said the Halloween king in a low dark voice. Why!? Because, I am your fatha. R-Really? No not really, I’m jest exaggerating the mode. O, well then. Hmmm. Anyways… Stop his right now. Why should I. Because I am your father. Dude, I’m 50 years older than you, and your only 10. Noel whistled and said “well, ya, never mind that”. So Noel did a wizard spell saying “your evil old nasty beast, big me a giant feast. “Noel”, yelled Katey. What I’m hungry. Well, do a deferent spell. So did a different spell saying “this feast is a delicious treat, make this monster a craver to eat”. The Halloween King started eating a food, so they started climbing on the control tower. They unfroze time but the Halloween king is still taking control of everyone. But the Alfa elf is so small, that he climbed up the Halloween King’s nose and took control of him. But Noel found a weird squishy ball. He grabbed it and the Halloween send to a different dimension. Heray!!! Noel saved. “Hay, I helped”, said the Alfa elf in an insulted way. Ya, and the elf, thing. So they all went home.


The end!


Noel fights the giant Penguin

Do day is Easter so Noel was watching TV until the Alfa elf came on a UFO type thing with a remote to freeze time and said Noel, come quick. “What for”, said Noel while he was looking around that the Alfa elf froze time. Jest come. Noel got on the UFO and flew to the North pole. Why did you take me here? Look. Noel turned around and saw a giant mutated penguin. O snap! Noel didn’t really say that, but what he said was not appropriate for this story’s grade level. What is that!? The Alfa elf was bummed out that Noel did not know what it was but said “is a penguin”. “Uhhh…” that’s not weird”, said Noel in a sarcastic voice. So It’s jest a penguin. Well, ya, but he’s attacking the North pole, and whenever he moves he makes a weird robot sound like he’s was being controlled. So what can I do about it? The Alfa elf jest cave Noel a detective suit and said “put this on and find out what created this monster”. Noel was looking around and saw this guy walking away with a remote control. The guy pressed a button and the penguin bent Down end stopped moving. Noel followed the man and saw his name was dr. potato head. “Ahhh”, said Noel while he was comparing a potato and (dr.) potato head. So Noel kept following dr. potato head to his lab. Noel was looking around at all the cool gadgets and say “wow, cool, wicked”. Dr. potato head herd him gasping but Noel tried to hide. Noel fond the mutating potion. Noel used some ingredients to make some shrink ray potion. He took some liquid ingredients, a ray, and three rockets. They said E.T go home, leave my presents E.T, and one that said get out of here E.T. He tried to launch the first to in his mouth but mist then the second one mist but the last one hit him, but not the mouth. The penguin felt the missal and smacked Noel. Noel played dead, wicked at the Alfa elf, and the monster turned back around. Noel got up, grabbed the missals from the air and gave them to the Alfa elf. “Here”, said Noel wile he was giving the missals to the Alfa elf. The Alfa elf climbed up the penguin’s chest and through the missals in the penguin’s mouth. The penguin shrunk, the North pole was saved, and dr. potato head was sent to jail. Noel went back home and the North pole got a gate around it. The Easter bunny jest arrived and Noel set a timer of the growing ray and shot him.




The End
The 4th of July’s Space wars


“Get up Noel, It’s the 4th of July” said Katey. “For God sake Katey, when are you going to stop this”, said Noel. “Neverrrr er-er-er”, said Katey like she was trying to echo. Noel went to a firework shop, looked around, and saw this big firework. He bought it for fifty dollars. He invited the Alfa elf over on his UFO. A the day went by it started getting darker but the Alfa elf had to go to the bathroom. But Noel bought 2 so he launched 1 without the Alfa elf but his shoelace got stuck on the end of the firework and he flew up. But the firework had a sudden stop and Noel shot up into space. Noel got shot by a green laser right before he lost his air. Back at the house the Alfa elf got out of the bathroom. He said “ware’s Noel” to his self. The Alfa elf thought he saw a shooting star. But he got a telescope and saw it was Noel getting poled by a laser to a giant space ship shaped like the millennium falcon. He also saw an alien
that looked like this  . The Alfa elf took the other firework, tied it to the
bottom of his UFO, and blasted off. The Alfa elf crashed into a meteor. His UFO flew away but a (Nice) alien caught it. The Nice alien gave the Alfa elf his (Bigger) UFO and his UFO to him and he flew onto the Space ship. The alien was 20 feet tall, so the Alfa elf snuck past him to the alien’s lab. He created a brain washing Helmets and flew back to Earth. He placed them onto the three elves, Santa, the Halloween King, the giant penguin and Easter bunny, the knight, and the monster that ate Noel. They brought all of them to the ship and flew back to the space ship. They all got off took the light savers and fought.



The giant penguin jumped on the alien, the giant Easter bunny lost his growth time so then the Halloween king used the force to bush his other parts of his body down, and the knight stabbed his soared in his neck. The alien was OK but his was sent to a floating jail sell in space. The Alfa elf sent everyone home and got a new UFO.

The end


“Get up Noel!”, said the Alfa elf while he was flying on his UFO next to the window. “what for said Noel when he was still jest opening his eyes. Jest come. “What’s this about?”, said Noel when he was coming close to the North pole. “Hay, isn’t this the place the giant penguin was?”, asked Noel. “Yes, but remember that guy named, umm what was it, o ya, Dr. potato head”, said the Alfa elf. Ya what about him? Well, he escaped from jail. Noel looked on the ground and saw his old detective suit. “Put this on”, said the Alfa elf. Ok. Noel started putting the suit on. Noel found the tree that Dr. potato head was standing behind and the giant footprints. Noel fallowed the footprints to his lab, polled a book from the library, and they found a secret room. Noel saw an army of giant penguins with brain washing helmets. The Alfa elf said “idea stealer” when he herd that. They snuck past and Noel reversed the penguins brain washing helmets. Dr. potato head herd them. “Who’s that”, he yelled. But dr. potato saw something coming out behind one of his gadgets. “What is that”, he said to his self. He saw it was a giant Penguin monster that looked like the devastator from transformers. “O poo”, said dr. potato head. The giant penguin monster smacked dr. potato in a cage. Noel and the Alfa elf thought that was a jail sell, but it was a (Human) growing machine. They turned around and gasped. The cage broke so they can’t grow there selves. But they did find a cloning machine and over cloned there selves and created a monster there selves. They fought , but they punched dr. potato head in the balls and called the cops. “I’ll be back” said dr. potato head walled he was getting dragged to jail. Finally, a crazy day that wasn’t a holiday.


The End



Noel meats super heroes

“Katey, Katey, get up it’s my birthday”, said Noel like Katey does it to him. “I don’t want to get up five more minuets. Now you know how I feel, now get up. Ok ok. They went down stairs and Noel fell in a trap hole and he went down into a lab. “This place looks odd”, he said to his self. Noel started looking around and he herd a voice that said “I think a herd someone over here”. Noel new they meant him so he jest jumped from behind a gadget so it wont look suspicious and said “Hello, my name is Noel”, really quickly. “Hi name, my name is Blob Boy” “Draco” “Noel”, said the super heroes like they planed that greeting. “Noel? My name is Noel”, said Noel. They looked jest like each other. A flash of light came because the super hero Noel was Noel from the past when he was a jerk, so the super hero Noel now does Not exists so the present Noel (when the flash happened) took the supers hero’s stop so it looked like the present Noel disappeared. “Were did he Go?”, asked Draco. Noel looked at his self and New he switched into the hero Noel but he did not say anything about it so he can keep his New powers. There computer’s monitor went off because someone was yelling “Help”, and a mysterious being named Black Mageco (Dragon). They flew there and saw Black Mageco. Hula Freaks. …L…! Black Mageco dropped a ray so Noel shot with it. But it was a teleporting ray. “What did you do that for”, said Blob boy. “How should I know what it does, it has a bunch of technology on it”, said Noel. “What, you mean a switch”, said Draco. “Uhhh, Never mind that”, said Noel. So they started looking for them. “I think I jest saw something fly in the sky going this way”, said Blob boy. They started fallowing him until they got to a Power plant. “what would a bad Guy be doing here”, said Noel. They walked in and saw Black Mageco setting a giant bomb. Stop this right now. Can’t do it son. “Don’t call me son, it makes me feel you know”, said Noel. “You call’ in me an ideate”, said Dark Mageco. Yah pretty much. Dark Mageco got mad and tried to jump on Noel. But Noel was not scared because he stepped out of the way and Black Mageco fell inside Blob boy. Blob boy spit him out, Noel got on top of him, and he said “Stop the bomb”. “I can’t, even if I wanted to I can’t, the bomb is going to blow up in less then 10 minutes if you don’t do anything about it. Noel called the cops to arrest him. Blob boy pressed his self into a tube to eat the wires, Noel grabbed the bomb to through it up to Draco, and Draco set it on fire. Black Mageco was arrested and the city was saved. Noel was dropped off at his house and Black Mageco was never to be seen again, well except for his sell mate, hehe.


The end

[Ice mom KT]

Many Grammar and Spelling errors, but it's much but its kinda cute. Keep working and you will get better.

7/10 or 70% or C-

[Taylor]

I agree, lots of spelling/grammar/punctuation problems, but otherwise it's a pretty nice story!! at least you can tell what the story is. my older stories had horrible spelling/grammar/punctuation, except you also couldn't tell what the story was. but for this you can still tell what the story is, so yeah, it's pretty good!


i'd say story is 90% and spelling/grammar is 30%, for it's length.

[Brandie]

Thx, I'm going to corect/edit the spelling soon

[Brandie]

I have added,


Elves and Noel 5 What happend Next

Hey, a 5th elves and Noel wasen't in the discriptchon... Inyways, last time on Elves a Noel, something happend that I thogh never would happen, Noel ternd good. I know wright shocking isn't it. Noel also figurd out that the Elves were wreal. Here is Noel in the christmas after last, by Brandon clark.

"Get up Noel, get up, it's cristmas", yelled katey. "Are you going to do this ever year", grould Noel. Are going to be lasey ever year, adsactly. They when doun staris, but wall Noel was opening his presents, a black hole aparird and out came the old time michine that hit Noel on his head. But when the black hole came every thing froze exsept the North pole (people that like there), him, and the time michine it's self. When Noel wook up after he got knocked out by the time michine, he could not remember inything persides the fun dimentels. He looked at the time michine, and said "oooh, shiney". He walked in, prest obonch of randome buttels and started time traviling. He whent back when he was a jerk (When the elves were arguing obout there names) and walked out. He looked at hiself when he yelled "shut up!" to the elves. He said to hiself "is that me? Boy was I a jerk", he whent back in the time michine, and he teliported (back to his time) to the North pole, and saw the alfa elf in his elf suit. Noel whent up to the elf and the alfa elf said "O.M.G, Noel, long time no see HuH? "Are you talking to me?" said Noel in a confused vois. Doen't you remember me? The alfa elf. Still are you talking to me. O.M.G, the alfa elf ran to the noghty and nice camerus and saw the Noel lost his memory. The alfa elf ran back to him with the Nice/smart ray and said "rember this, I hope this works". The alfa elf shot Noel with again and Noel got his memory back. "Hi alfa elf", said Noel I got my memory back. But the time back at my house is still frozen. "why does it always christmas" wisberd the elf. They whent to the main north pole controles and found that since Noel use to have a cold hart, he has a cold christmas. So the alfa tried to change that (since hes good now) but it would not let him log in. Meanwhile back his house were the black hole is, it started growing. So they only had a few more minets to find santa and unfreaz time befor all kidss christmas will freaz. It dindn't take that long to find santa. So when they took him to the contrals but the password is realy long. only 10 seconds left, 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2, enter. 1 unfreaz. The black hole disapeird and the world unfroze. He troped Noel back at home and Noel is on the Nice list now.





The End
I think...

[Dark Angel (SA)]

It was a cute children's story and seems age appropriate for a younger crowd (who I am guessing is your audience you are trying to write to in this story).
Maybe ask a friend to proof read it for you and to make corrections.
As well, maybe be more descriptive with what you're writing--it will draw the reader in more.

Keep practicing and working on writing. You learn best from practice. Good job.

[Ice mom KT]

@ DA I know the grammar and Spelling are horrible but, go easy on him. He's only 10 and you can't expect perfect spelling or grammar at that age.

[Dark Angel (SA)]

^I realize that I was actually stating advice, I'll ease up on my post kay?

[Brandie]

I'v created a new story


Noel on a witchy day 1 The Creepy Evil Witch, by Brandon clark

"Get up, Get up, it's Holloween", yelled Katey. "O so your going to do this on christmas to...", moaned Noel. "yes, yes I am" said Katey proundley. "Wow, it's prittey cloudy out there" said Noel's mom. Noel looked out the window and saw a a flying person on a broom crumey old broom stick. "Did you see that!? "See what" asked his mom. Noel comed doun and said "well, it was problobey jest a bird". A a few horers later wen it was time to get ready for trick or treating Noel and katey was getting ready to go. "No no mom, Katey was going to by the princes. This time", said Noel. "But you look so good in a dress" said Noel's mom. Noel stared. "Fine", moaned Noel's mom wall she was getting the wizard suit. But ever one but the holloween king new that ever ones costume becams real. Noel put on the costume and went out. "Bye mom", said Noel and Katey. Noel and katey went to a few houses, untill they went to a misteryis house. Katey was to scared to go but Noel wanted to be the first to go to that house. Noel walked up to the house and rang the dore bell. The sound was a scary ring tone with a stike of lightning. No one ansord the dore so noel walked in. "Hello", said Noel in s scared vois. Is iny one here.Noel herd a loud pitched lafter, and then saw the rocking chair start to move. Meanwile, Katey was standing on the streat waghting for Noel. "I wander were Noel is", Katey said to her self. Katey Poked her haed throgh the dore and saw Noel getting zaped to a diforent dimenchin be and ugly, old, and evil witch. "Noel!!!"< screamed Katey befor she could stop the witch. "Give him back", cried Katey. But that did not realy help, so the witch zaped her to.

[Taylor]

Oh no!!


I like it a lot! Keep it up! I wonder what happens at easter...